


When I'm gone

by PeterHaleforAlpha



Series: Tumblr prompts [7]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Missions Gone Wrong, Multi, Transporter Malfunction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9551279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeterHaleforAlpha/pseuds/PeterHaleforAlpha
Summary: This was written for a prompt on tumblr:Leonard take's a shot meant for Spock and they can't get back to the ship because of a transporter malfunction





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [androgynousclintbarton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynousclintbarton/gifts).



They had beamed all members of the away team back one by one. As usual there were some difficulties with the transporter. McCoy had the feeling that it never worked like it was supposed to. He hadn’t cared much though. For a change it was a quiet nice planet, and he didn’t bother at all to be scheduled for the last beam up with Spock. At least until they were interrupted in their work by some hostile inhabitants. **  
**

Spock didn’t see them, he was studying one of the plants and McCoy just reacted, pushed Spock out of the way. What came after that was all a big blur. He heard angry and scared shouts in an unknown language before it went completely quiet around him.

And then Spock’s voice burst through the silence. “I request emergency beam out immediately. Doctor McCoy has been shot.”

Shot? McCoy looked down his body, noticed that he was lying on the ground and wondered how he got there. And then he registered the pain that was spreading through his entire body out of a sudden. He couldn’t help to groan loudly, shutting his eyes close in order to try to numb the pain but this made him only more aware of it. So he opened his eyes again, saw Spock next to him and reached out with a shaky hand to get his attention.

As soon as Spock had taken his hand some of the pain faded away. “We’ll be back on the Enterprise any moment now, doctor, just hold on.”

McCoy nodded weakly. M’Benga was on duty. He was good. McCoy would live, at least he hoped so. His mind was so clouded that he couldn’t think straight, couldn’t make an assessment of his own injury. He had no idea how bad it really was.

The only indicator was Spock’s expression. He seemed tense and there was something in his eyes that almost looked like panic. Okay, that bad then.

“Spock, I cannae beam you back right now,” Scotty’s distorted voice came from somewhere. “The power shut down completely.”

“Then fix it, Mr. Scott.” Spock’s usual calm and steady voice was shaking. “Doctor McCoy is critically injured.”

“Aye, I’ll do my best, sir!”

McCoy squeezed Spock’s hand to spend him some comfort. He knew that the Vulcan wasn’t good with emotions and that he was overwhelmed anytime they threatened to control him. “Spock,” he whispered, too weak to speak properly.

This got his attention and out of a sudden the old Spock was back, his face bare of any emotion, his posture stiff and cold. “How can I help you?” McCoy felt Spock taking the medkit from him.

“Painkiller.” If McCoy had to die, at least he could lessen the pain. He didn’t want to spend his last moments in agony. A stab in his neck and the sound of the hypo emptying let him know that Spock granted his wish.

“How can I stop the bleeding?”

McCoy blinked a few times, processing the question, and trying to find an answer. First lesson of field medicine: Stabilize the patient. “Pressure,” he whispered. Spock couldn’t do much more. Hell, even McCoy doubted that he could do much more if the roles were reversed. Sure, he had a dermal regenerator in his kit but this wasn’t meant to be for such extreme cases. McCoy didn’t even know where he was hit. Somehow his whole body seemed on fire.

“Pressure, Spock,” McCoy repeated when he realized the pain hadn’t increased. McCoy would have noticed if Spock had pushed onto his wound.

“I am putting pressure on the wound, doctor, since I informed Mr. Scott about our current situation.”

Yet again McCoy tried to raise his head to look down at his body. And there was Spock’s hand, pressing hard onto his torso. Shit, that wasn’t good that he hadn’t noticed. What else had he missed? He must have lost a lot of blood. “I’m not … gonna make it … Spock,” McCoy said out of a sudden, more certain than he had ever been about anything in his life.

“We do not know that yet.”

McCoy wanted to laugh. Stubborn Vulcan. Normally he would be the first to agree with him. The statement was logical if you considered all the facts. McCoy was bleeding to death and if he wouldn’t get some help quickly, this was it. Funnily McCoy was not as scared as he believed he would be at the times the thought of dying had crossed his mind. He just felt guilty. Guilty for leaving Spock and Jim. Guilty for making Spock watch. He knew how hard this had to be for him.

“Spock, I want to-”

“Save your strength, doctor.”

McCoy wanted to shake his head but only managed to move it to one side, looking at Spock now. “Need to tell,” he tried again but gave up after several coughs shook his body. He was too weak to speak and yet, there was so much he needed to tell Spock. So he moved his hand which was still clutched in Spock’s grip to his head. “Please,” he whispered.

Warm fingers pressed against his face and suddenly Spock was all around him. It was not that they were standing in a white room or anything like that, McCoy couldn’t see him, but he felt him. A smile crossed his face. “That’s nice,” he thought and knew that Spock could hear it.

“What did you want to tell me?”

There was so much that McCoy needed to tell him. But one thing was more important than anything else. “It’s not your fault, Spock. Don’t blame yourself. Not like you did with your mother. It’s not _your fault_.”

Spock remained silent but McCoy could feel all those emotions that the Vulcan tried to hide normally. There was sorrow, worry, guilt and fear. All of it crushed down on McCoy. It was overwhelming, even for a human. It had to be terrifying for a Vulcan.

“Why did you do this, Leonard?” The echo of Spock’s voice radiated around his mind.

“Emotional human, remember?”

“Logic would have served you better in this situation.” Spock was retreating, pushing back his emotions once more. “I am Vulcan. My physicality is more resilient than the ones of humans. I could have survived this attack.”

“You don’t know that.”

“No, I do not,” Spock gave in. “Still, I wished our places to be reversed. I do not want you to die, Leonard.”

McCoy wished he could promise Spock that he wouldn’t. He wished he could give him something, anything, just the little tiniest bit of hope, but McCoy could only be realistic. He wasn’t going to survive this, not even if they made it back to the Enterprise just this second. He couldn’t feel much of anything anymore and McCoy knew what that meant. The coldness spread through his body but luckily it was dulled by Spock’s presence. McCoy had never thought about the way he would die someday but this wasn’t so bad after all. At least he wasn’t alone.

“I am not leaving you, Leonard.”

Of course, Spock heard his thoughts. They were linked right now. “I just reacted, Spock.” At least McCoy wanted to explain it to Spock. “I saw those men pointing their weapons at you. There was no time to think. I just knew I couldn’t let you get hurt.” McCoy let those words linger for a moment before he continued, “I love you, Spock. That’s the reason why I did it.”

Once again silence spread around them but McCoy wasn’t hurt by that. He could feel the warmth and love that came from Spock. No words were necessary after that experience. He had never felt as loved by Spock as in this moment. Nevertheless it felt nice to hear the words, spoken in Spock’s deep soothing voice, “I love you too, Leonard.”

McCoy smiled, content and happy. There was only one more thing to say. “Tell Jim-” he started but stopped when he thought he had actually heard Jim’s voice. Was he here too? Did they come down to rescue them?

“Spock?” This was definitely Jim’s voice. “Do you read me? Scotty is almost done. Just a few more minutes. Just a few-” The voice stopped, shaken and hurt. “How is Bones?” It was barely a whisper but McCoy could hear the raw fear in his voice anyway. And out of a sudden McCoy didn’t want to die anymore. He wanted to stay. With Jim. With Spock. But he knew he couldn’t. So it made no sense to deny what was happening here.

Tears ran down his face now. “Tell Jim that I love him. Will you do that for me?”

Spock hesitated for a split second before McCoy could hear his voice, “I am convinced he is aware of your feelings towards him. But I will tell him.”

“Spock?” There was Jim again, scared like a little child.

“Go talk to him,” McCoy said. “He needs you, more than ever.”

“I will not break our bond, Leonard. I can not let go of you.”

McCoy was relieved to hear that. He didn’t want to be alone. But Spock had still two hands. “Stop pressing on the wound. It won’t make any difference anyway. Answer Jim.”

McCoy hadn’t felt Spock pulling back his hand but he knew he did when he started to talk to Jim. “Captain..” was all he managed to say though. His voice just kind of left him after that. Fear hit McCoy again. Spock was afraid to tell Jim, scared that when he said it out loud he couldn’t deny it anymore.

“It’s okay to be scared, Spock,” McCoy said, feeling himself slipping away. He still felt Spock but he seemed further away now. Jim’s distant voice rang to his ear but McCoy couldn’t put the words in any kind of order. “It’s human,” he thought.

Spock didn’t argue, just send waves of gratitude and love to McCoy. “Live long and prosper, Leonard.”

At the time they were beamed back to the Enterprise, Spock held the bloody and lifeless body of Leonard McCoy in his arms. Spock’s eyes were sad and empty when he looked up to his Captain who approached them. His voice still didn’t want to cooperate, so he merely shook his head. Jim took two more stumbling steps before he fell to his knees right next to them. With one hand he grabbed Leonard’s uniform, dug his fingers into it, the other hand searched for Spock’s arm, holding onto him, while he buried his face in the crook of Leonard’s neck, crying the tears that Spock was unable to shed.

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on [tumblr](www.dukewuornos.tumblr.com)


End file.
